


A Trying Day

by Sunlit_Capybara



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 12:30:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11486436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunlit_Capybara/pseuds/Sunlit_Capybara
Summary: Shiro is missing, and everyone is coping their own way. Allura just needs a little help.





	A Trying Day

**Author's Note:**

> Someday I will find a better title for this and write a second chapter or sequel. Originally posted on tumblr.

When they’d finally broken the silence it wasn’t done easily, with whispers or even normal tones. Rather, they’d destroyed it with complete and utter chaos. 

Pidge was yelling and mashing Black’s controls to look for coordinates or some kind of tracking or any clues whatsoever (to no response), Hunk burst into loud tears, and Coran had started yelling over the comms system, asking what was going on and was Shiro really gone? Within a few dozen ticks it died down again, but the Paladins’ exhaustion from their draining battle had vanished. Everyone looked to the princess. 

“Allura,” Lance asked quietly, “what do we do?”

Allura didn’t know the answer. She simply continued to stare at the empty chair, the bayard left in the controls, certain that she had never felt so tired in her life. 

After a few moments Lance took pity on her. He pulled the bayard out and handed it to her. When she glanced up at him, surprised, he said, “You should probably hold onto this for now. Keep it safe.”

He didn’t have to say the second part of that sentence – they were all thinking it. 

Keep it safe, because Shiro might have died to get it.

She took the bayard and swallowed. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve never heard of…something like this…”

Hunk glanced out the lion’s eye. “Coran and Slav are down there. So’s Kolivan.” He looked at Allura. “Should we go down, see if they have any ideas?” 

Allura nodded.

When Lance started to explain to the others, Coran stopped him. “We heard over the comms line. It’s just…very hard to believe. I scanned the area around the ship – there are no lifeforms nearby.” The advisor tried to catch Allura’s eye, but she found herself unable to look up from the ground.

Since they awoke 10,000 years away from their home, there had only been one time Allura was unsure what to do. And when that had happened, she’d had her father’s memories to rely on. And now she didn’t even have Shiro’s kind strength to support her. What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to lead this crew? How could she look them in the eye if she didn’t have the answers? 

Pidge took a deep breath. “OK. Hunk. Let’s see what we can do about building a tracking device. There’s only so much Galra tech around and I’ve got metadata from when we downloaded Ulaz’s information. I bet we can track Shiro’s arm somehow.”

“But if he’s not nearby there’s tons of Galra tech around so how will we—”

“I don’t know Hunk we’ll just have to figure it out!” Pidge shouted. She paused. “Sorry. I just—I can’t—”

Hunk wrapped an arm around the smaller paladin. “It’s OK, buddy. We’ll figure something out.” He started to steer her towards Green’s hangar and Pidge’s workbench. 

“Coran, are we safe here?” Lance asked. Allura glanced up at him, and noted that he looked like she felt – lost and distraught. 

“We’re safe, but we’ll need to get some repairs done on the ship before we can go anywhere. I suppose I should get started.”

“Do you need a hand?”

“No, thank you, Blue Paladin. I think I’d prefer to work on my own for now.” He turned toward the door, and Allura laid a hand on his shoulder as he passed. Coran paused and covered it with his own for a moment before heading towards the engine room. Allura pretended not to notice he was crying; Coran prided himself on only presenting his strongest side to his princess.

“Don’t fret so much, Blue Paladin,” Slav said, taking Lance’s hand kindly and following after Hunk and Pidge. “Let’s see if we can help your friends with that tracking device. And I can tell you about all the realities in which the Black Paladin returns safely. For example, there is an eighty-four percent probability that in at least one reality he simply teleported to the kitchen for a snack. In several other realities he is on a planet with a beautiful princess who will nurse him back to health before he returns, and in at least three realities there is a very good chance he has already gone back safely to your Earth—” 

Then it was only Allura, Keith, and Kolivan. The princess glanced at Keith, who hadn’t said a word since they saw Black’s empty cockpit, and hadn’t unclenched his fists since Allura took Shiro’s bayard. Without a word the Red Paladin turned on his heel and stalked out of the hangar. Allura started after him, but a pressure on her shoulder stopped her. She glanced back to see Kolivan had placed a hand on her shoulder and was shaking his head. Without a word the Galra moved past her and went after Keith.

And so Allura found herself with nothing to do, nothing to distract her from the emptiness welling up in her chest. Everyone was coping with Shiro’s sudden absence in their own way, Pidge and Hunk with their tech and inventions, Lance by supporting his friends (and letting them support him), Coran with his repairs, and Keith through his silence.  
And Allura? How did she cope with loss? 

She didn’t, not really. She shoved it aside with more drills, more planning, more research. But none of that was available to her now. She knew better than to try to make the Paladins do anything right now, when they’d survived the fight of their lives only to lose their leader and friend. And how could she plan when Zarkon was gone? Did the universe even need Voltron anymore? 

So Allura wandered to the bridge – damaged, wires scattered everywhere. The mice, Ancients bless them, were trying to tidy up the rubbish that had fallen everywhere during the battle. “Oh, you sweet things,” she told them affectionately. The mice stopped and rushed over to her. Dropping the Black Paladin’s bayard (and not caring), she placed her hands on the controls and pulled up the star map, bringing up the empty space where Altea should have been. That done, Allura collapsed on the ground, scooping the mice in her arms.  
What was she supposed to do now? She wondered, gazing at what had once been her home. Even if Voltron was needed, they couldn’t form it – not without a black paladin. And how would they manage without Shiro, without his unfailing belief in them, his quick thinking, his trust in them? They had beaten Zarkon, but Haggar – Ancients, that evil creature was Altean – was still out there, and the Empire wouldn’t fall overnight. How could they handle it – how could she handle it – without Shiro holding them all up, making them better than they were alone? 

Allura felt her eyes grow hot. If she weren’t so exhausted, if she hadn’t been so shocked by Haggar, if she hadn’t been disoriented by whatever in the universe had happened with that magic and the quintessence – if all that hadn’t happened on top of losing Shiro, she was sure she could hold herself together. But it was all at once, and too much, and she felt like the emptiness would overwhelm her if she tried any more to keep her composure. So she cuddled the mice to her chest, ignoring their squeaks of distress, and cried.  
She lost track of how long had passed before she heard a quick, light step behind her. “Just a moment, Coran,” she said, trying (and failing) to speak evenly around the sobs welling up in her chest. 

A snort – that was _definitely_ not Coran. “I am not Coran.”

Quiznak. Well, yes, Allura had figured that out – and she would rather melt into the floor than let a Galra see her crying. She didn’t dare look up – her face was surely a mess. 

“Kolivan. Do you need something?” she asked, struggling to keep her voice under control. 

A few more light steps. “No.”

For the Ancients’ sake. She took a breath to reply, something along the lines of “get out”, but Kolivan spoke first.

“Princess Allura. Are you all right?”

Allura wasn’t sure if Kolivan had said her name and title before. Had he? She really couldn’t remember. She was so tired – being tired. That was a good excuse. Yes, that would get rid of him. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

Oh, quiznak, he was moving towards her. Standing next to her, in fact. While she crouched on the ground clutching telepathic space mice to her bosom in the midst of the ruined bridge of the last remaining Altean ship in the universe. And crying. Don’t forget the crying. 

“It has been a trying day,” Kolivan said in a measured voice. And that control was what made Allura finally break.

“ _Trying?_ Every single one of us nearly died! Shiro is missing, and two soldiers under your command are dead! Today has been more than _trying.”_

“As you say, Princess.” Allura seethed, glaring up at his expressionless face. She was in control of herself, usually, but this lack of feeling – really, did he care at all? Sensing her anger, one of the mice left her arms to scamper around Kolivan’s feet, preparing to trip him when he moved. Most of the time Allura would stop Chulatt from behaving so badly, but today she took a silent pleasure in it. Allura again took a breath to tell Kolivan to leave (this time probably in less diplomatic terms), but again he beat her to it. 

“The Blade has existed for decathebes. Decathebes of fighting against Zarkon and his empire, and decathebes of losing our companions. We have learned to cope. One of the ways we cope is by keeping our pain to ourselves. A sorrow shared is a sorrow doubled.”

Well. 

Allura sighed. “Kolivan, you are welcome to stay or go, but if you stay, please sit so I don’t hurt my neck trying to look at you. Chulatt, get back here.” After a moment’s hesitation, Kolivan sat next to her, resting on his heels and leaning his elbows on his knees, and Chulatt returned to sit on her shoulder.

After a moment’s silence, Kolivan gestured at the star map. “The Altean system?”

Allura nodded. The thought of her home made her eyes water, and she’d just gotten herself under control. She changed the subject. “How’s Keith?”

“The Red Paladin is angry. He yelled.”

She sighed. Of course he did. Time for some diplomatic smoothing-over. “I apologize for the behavior—”

“No need,” Kolivan said shortly. “It has been a trying day.”

Allura looked at the Galra sidelong. “When you say it’s been a trying day, do you mean it’s been a day that would leave the Ancients themselves in tears and lamentations?”

“That is not how we of the Blade would say it, but the sentiment is the same.” Platt wriggled his way out of Allura’s arms and sat down next to the Galra’s foot.

She shook her head. “You of the Blade have a gift for understatement.” She paused. “I am sorry. For Antok. And Thace.”

Kolivan held out a hand to Platt curiously. “Antok and Thace were soldiers of the Blade of Marmora. They would have been proud to die to bring down Zarkon.” Platt rubbed his head against the Galra’s hand.

“Does it help, to tell yourself that?”

To her surprise, Kolivan’s shoulders fell. “No. But I tell it to myself after every loss, in hopes that one day it will. I have always been disappointed.” For a moment his face crumpled, before he smoothed his expression back into that blank look that had so annoyed her earlier. 

In that moment, Allura saw a great deal of herself in Kolivan.

“Why did you come here, anyway?” she asked.

Kolivan seemed oddly focused on petting Platt. “I thought this might be where you were.”

Oh, no. She was a princess of Altea and she was not letting him off that easy. “And why were you looking for me?”

Kolivan glanced at her, his expression saying “is this strictly necessary?” but Allura held firm. After a tick he replied quietly, “I was concerned. You seemed distressed.”

“I _am_ distressed. We all are.”

“The rest of your team is not the leader of the Voltron Paladins. Without the Black Paladin, and without a successor, you are their leader. Your wellbeing is now a matter of concern to the Blade.” Allura rolled her eyes. 

And then, more quietly, Kolivan continued, “And I did not enjoy seeing you in danger today. I wanted to be sure there were no ill effects from your battle with the witch.”

Allura almost smiled. “I appreciate the concern, Kolivan. I’ll be fine.” She felt her own shoulders drooping and the tears returning. “I just need time.”

A pause. “Is there anything I can do to assist you?”

Allura gave a strangled laugh. “Find the Black Paladin. That would be a help.”

Kolivan hesitated. “I am not sure that is within my power. But I believe that you will learn to cope until you find him.”

Allura felt the unspoken “if” in the air, even if neither of them said it. With a sigh, Allura set the mice down and buried her face in her hands as she felt another sob building in her chest. “How? What will we do without the Black Paladin?”

Cautiously, Kolivan set a hand on her shoulder. “The Black Paladin is more than the man called Shiro, or a suit of armor, or even a bayard. You know this.” She dropped her hands into her lap, only to see that Kolivan held something out to her in an open palm. 

The bayard. She hadn’t even seen him pick it up.

“Put that down,” Allura told him harshly.

“As you wish,” he said casually, and dropped it into her open hands. She scrambled to set it on the ground, moving her trembling hands away from the weapon.

“I am no Paladin of Voltron.”

“Why not? You pilot this ship. The other paladins already obey your commands. And you know the Black Lion better than any except her previous paladins.”

She tried to stop herself from shaking, but somehow she felt cold. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Kolivan pressed.

“I’m not strong enough.”

Another hand on her other shoulder, gently turning her torso. “Princess, please look at me.” 

Grudgingly Allura looked into Kolivan’s eyes. “You are strong. You are stronger than Zarkon, stronger than Haggar, stronger than worlds. You stood face to face with one of the most terrifying beings in the universe and made her bow to your will. You are strong. You are strong enough to lead Voltron. Do not forget this.”

As another sob heaved in her chest as Allura’s head fell. “I don’t feel strong. I feel weak. And tired. And empty.” She couldn’t hold the tears in anymore. “Kolivan, what are we going to do?” she cried, reaching for him and burying her head in his shoulder.

Kolivan froze. After a moment, Allura felt him tentatively pat her back. When he spoke, his voice was slow and kind. “I hope you know that, whatever comes next, you have the allegiance of the Blade of Marmora.” A pause. “And you have my admiration and affection. You do not need to shoulder this burden alone.”

Surprised, Allura lifted her head to look at Kolivan – and she was even more surprised to see that written on his normally expressionless face was sincerity – along with far, far more than kindness. 

In less than a tick, words flitted through Allura’s mind. _Cold, uncaring, Galra._ But those small, weak words were overwhelmed by the feeling of warmth that flooded her chest, and before she could stop herself with logic, she’d pressed her lips to his. 

Kolivan stiffened, but after a moment he relaxed and responded passionately. One of his hands crept up her neck to rest in her hair, while the other pressed more firmly around her back. Allura tightened her arms around his neck. She parted her lips experimentally and let her tongue flick against his lips. With an abrupt grunt Kolivan pressed his tongue into her mouth and pulled her into his lap. She sighed, relaxing into his chest and deepening the kiss.

Another moment, and Kolivan stiffened and pulled away. “No,” he said, breathing hard. “This is not right. You are upset. This is not why I came to find you.” 

“Does that matter?” Allura asked, breathless, wanting more.

“It does to me.” To her satisfaction, she noticed Kolivan was also breathing more quickly than normal, and his face was flushed – do Galrans blush? She wondered. “I greatly admire you, Princess. I would not like for you to think that I…took advantage when you were upset.”

Her good mood vanished. “Well, I don’t feel taken advantage of. If you trust me to lead Voltron, I hope you would trust me with my own feelings.” Kolivan looked surprised as she pushed herself off of his lap and stood up. “I should speak to my team.” She picked up the black bayard and walked out.

At the door, she paused, and called over her shoulder, “If you come to the conclusion that I can, in fact, be trusted to express my desires clearly, you are welcome to join me in my room after lights out and we can discuss this matter further. I know you are clever and that you hold a good opinion of me, so I expect to see you in a few vargas.” She continued down the hall as the door whooshed behind her. 

It was through Platt’s eyes that she saw Kolivan’s stunned expression, followed by a smile. The newest Black Paladin grinned and promised herself a most excellent reward for surviving this trying day.


End file.
